A good listener is one who removes oneself from the spotlight and lets the other one express themselves when they are feeling sad and lonely. There can be a lot of reasons that make someone not listen well, like
• Environment- being too far away, being in a loud place.
• Psychological and cultural barriers- having a radically different opinion or not understanding how someone can see the world differently.
• Selective listening- hearing what you want to hear and not what is said.
• Lack of empathy
All of the above-mentioned reasons can impact how well someone listens or how well a person feels heard.
Now, not feeling heard is a painful experience. It can make you feel small and neglected and can give you a feeling that nobody respects you or your opinion and you might end up feeling sad and lonely. It can cause difficulties in interactions and relationships too. However, note that, being heard has nothing to do with the volume of your voice. You might not feel heard when you express yourself, your wants, or your needs. You may feel your loved ones aren’t entirely understanding you. There can be many reasons behind it. Like, maybe it’s because everyone has a different communication style, or it’s because everyone has a different perception or understanding, or it could be because the same issue arises even after it seems to have been solved or you are not being heard on purpose to antagonise or provoke you to not support you out of disrespect. Trauma survivors can struggle with listening and communication, and they can often feel as though they are not heard too.
Both speaking and listening are essential skills that allow us to communicate assertively beyond our personal lives and workplaces. There are several ways to improve your communication skills:
You do not have to confront challenging scenarios when they arise. Instead, take a step back and process your feelings before tackling them so that you stay level-headed and arguments do not occur. Also, take time out to ask for any clarifications, as this can help avoid a lot of misunderstandings and situations where you end up feeling sad and lonely.
– Half of being a good communicator is being a good listener. So when your partner is talking, focus on what they’re saying – don’t let your thoughts stray. The concept of being a good listener is that you are involved and completely engaged in what the other person got to say, in opposition to being passive and letting the conversation pass by.
Just make sure you,
• Pay attention to what someone else has got to say. Don’t let them go to bed feeling sad and lonely.
• Ask any open-ended questions so as to get an idea of what exactly they are looking for.
• Ask any probing questions in case there are certain specific things which you would love to learn or know about.
• Request any kind of clarification on matters that you are uncertain about.
• Make sure to paraphrase what has been said and then repeat back the same to the concerned person. In this way, you can be sure you are able to understand them correctly.
• Be attuned to their feelings and also your own. It will ensure to make sure that the needs of all are being met.
• Summarize, if needed, at the end of the interaction so that all have similar takeaways and the idea for the next steps.
Boundaries can significantly improve communication. For instance, you may have time each week to discuss finances or your relationship to clear up any issues. Alternatively, boundaries might include asking for space to avoid arguments or reassurance after a disagreement. Know that anyone who has advanced communication skills, they do have a solid grasp of the emotions. It helps them to control when they are over-excited or upset and stops them from causing any unnecessary drama. This is why it is important to stay level-headed or set boundaries when trying to react on to something which you, as a listener, do not like. Make sure you try to find some alone time in order to calm yourself up if needed.
Yelling or screaming is counterproductive and can make you feel worse. Instead, process your anger in other ways, such as escaping the situation for a while or getting some exercise. Make sure you are self-aware of the situations and admit to when wrong. It might seem like a huge blow to the ego, but it will definitely help to improve relationships and move forward with building respect and integrity within the eyes of the colleagues and loved ones.
It is better to communicate that you need some space or time rather than giving them the cold shoulder, it can confuse people and make them angrier or more upset than before. Further, do not even try to blabber just for eliminating the silence between. It will be very difficult to fight this urge but try to control it. Your colleagues and partner will be thanking you for having the grasp of knowing when it is okay for being quiet.
Dredging up past mistakes can cause more arguments, make people feel defensive, and make things turn soar and not about what needs to be said and resolved. This is why, instead of bringing past events, make sure to bring in a moment of calmness within. It will be difficult but not impossible. All you need to do is try to avoid any of the mistakes which your mind reminds you about the person and try to remember good times and create positive thoughts instead.
Learning new communication skills can help make you social and connected, improving relations and doing well in the workplace. In addition, it can help you feel confident and understood, improving your speaking and listening skills.
